


When It Snows

by echoedsong



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bittersweet, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Established Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Holidays, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Memories, Post-Canon, Post-Timeskip, Post-Timeskip Haikyuu!!, Sad and Sweet, Short & Sweet, Time Skips, Timeline Shenanigans, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27996006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoedsong/pseuds/echoedsong
Summary: A selection of brief moments from their time in winter.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi & Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi & Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko & Sugawara Koushi
Kudos: 6





	1. ❆

**Author's Note:**

> helloo i am back w this as a little holiday offering :>  
> (sorry in advance bc this is very self-indulgent)
> 
> inspo song: When It Snows by We Are The Night
> 
> Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Letter.

_To My Love: Daichi,_

_I hope you had a good time today! Even though things were different this year, I wish that you enjoyed your birthday all the same._

_I tell you this every year but I know you won’t ever get sick of it (as I won’t). So I’m going to say it again: you are everything to me. Daichi, you are my love, my joy, my happiness, my rock, my number one (haha), and my best friend above all. You mean the world to me, truly._

_Your passion and dedication always amazed me, you know? Sometimes I wonder if you had so much passion and love for something other than yourself, that it overflowed. You never faltered, always striving for something you held strongly in your heart. You loved fiercely and I cherish this part of you. You loved your family and friends with everything you had. I love how much you loved your work. You were always persevering and hardworking until the very end, until you had accomplished what you had fixed your heart on._

_If the overflowing passion thing is true, I know I caught some of it. When I found a dream job in teaching, you were right there supporting me through it all. Going through school and entering the workforce had many ups and downs but you were always there. You made me feel that I could do anything and with your support, I was able to really fall in love with my job and appreciate every moment. Just as you had._

_My students always loved it when you visited in uniform (just as much as I like seeing you in uniform too). I can still remember all the great experiences we’ve had. It’s still so clear in my mind and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. You were able to make the coldest months always full of warmth and for that I am thankful. I could never have wished for a better partner.  
I really appreciate you and what you’ve done for me._

_I wish you another happy year full of peace and happiness. (On that note, our anniversary is coming up soon… I’m trying not to overthink it but I don’t know what I’m going to do this time.) Even though it’s not always easy I will smile for you and I hope you’ll be able to smile with me.  
May the new year be good to you, please keep watching over me. (You were always so good at taking care of me when I didn’t take care of myself.)_

_Happy New Year, I love you.  
Sugawara Koushi._


	2. ❆❆

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (nonlinear timeline at your own discretion)

**December 25th**  


Sugawara made another round of the kitchen island, cell phone clutched tightly in his right hand. He felt restless, feet unable to keep still from the worry prickling under his skin. White cabinets and countertops, silver appliances, grey walls, and the figure of his companion all blur together as he paced around the space.

“Kiyoko,” Suga started again. “Why isn’t he answering me?” His friend opened her mouth to reply when he cut her off. “I mean, Daichi promised six-thirty but it’s already ten to seven. Everybody’s here but him! I texted him and called him twice already but he hasn’t replied. Do you think he’s okay? The snow started coming down pretty hard not long ago.”

He was about to restart his circuit around the gleaming marble counter when he felt a hand placed gently, but firmly on his arm. Sugawara stopped, turning to meet Kiyoko’s dark eyes. 

She met his gaze calmly, held it for a still moment, before saying evenly: “Daichi is fine. Everything is okay.”

Suga exhaled heavily, letting his phone loosen in his grasp. The twisted feeling of concern did not lessen around his heart or stomach. “I’m being too much?” It sounded more like a statement than a question in his ears.

She nodded.

He groaned before adding quietly, “I just can’t help worrying…” Suga leaned his hip against the island counter, trying to stop the itch beneath his skin. She relaxed her grip to pat his arm comfortingly before letting go. “Maybe another glass of wine will help me?” He doesn’t wait for her answer. already reaching for the bottle sitting tantalizingly at the centre of the counter. 

“Nope!” Sugawara’s mouth opened in protest when Asahi swooped in, snatching the red wine from his trajectory. “You’re not allowed to have any more until he arrives.” 

He slumped against the cold, white stone and let his body and arm lay stretched out, as if still reaching for the bottle. “So mean,” he mumbled with no real bite to his words, cheek pressed against the hard surface. 

Suga heard Asahi place the alcohol on a different countertop, further away but still close enough for a grab if he moved quickly enough. But he didn’t bother. He could feel Kiyoko’s presence still by his side, Asahi lingering hesitantly between them and the bottle. He could hear the sounds of their friends in the living room watching some wild, festive movie on the TV and playing games rather enthusiastically, and generally making lots of noise. As usual. He waited for the typical fondness to spread warmly through him but the concern churning through him left it no room. Suga lasted about thirty seconds in his position before he retracted his arm and propped himself up on his elbows instead. He held his phone up. 

“I’ll call again,” he stated to nobody in particular. Sugawara unlocked the screen, the phone application already open from when he had last used it not many minutes ago. 

“Suga,” Kiyoko had just begun when there were a couple knocks on the front door. Familiar knocks.

He shot up, leaving his phone clattering on the smooth marble. Delighted joy, cool relief, and lingering worry made him bolt for the entrance to the apartment. Suga skidded to a stop before he could trip over the shoes laying haphazardly around the shoe rack area. He skipped around them before throwing the door open.

The first thing he saw, to his dismay, was not his lover’s face. It was a broad, uniformed back, with the strong figure clad in thick, dark fabric. But when they turned around, Suga couldn’t help the grin that stretched along his lips. 

“Daichi!” he exclaimed in a breath. The tightness in his chest and stomach eased, comfortable warmth spreading back through his limbs. 

His lover’s face was flushed from the cold, clumps of snow still melting in his short hair. “Hi baby, sorry I’m late,” he promptly held up the bags in his hands. “Food’s still warm though.”

Suga’s cheeks hurt. He felt loose with the relief and happiness coursing through his veins. He took the bags from Daichi, who gave them gratefully, shaking off the rest of the snow from his jacket and boots before stepping inside. 

“Sorry I couldn’t answer your texts, I was driving and then you started calling just as I had gotten out with my hands full of the food,” He paused from unlacing his shoes to look up at Suga. “I hope I didn’t worry you too much.”

Sugawara’s skin prickled again, but for a different reason now as he fought the heat rising to his face as he recalled his behaviour just moments ago. “It’s fine, as long as you were safe,” he got out.

Daichi turned back to his boots but the twist of a little knowing smile made the blush win. Suga clutched the plastic bags in his hands, wishing he could have hidden his burning cheeks. He moved back, his face beginning to cool as his lover straightened and shook off his boots. He was about to turn and lead the way back to the kitchen when cold, damp, jacketed arms wrapped around his waist.

“Where’s my kiss?” Daichi asked sweetly behind him. Sugawara twisted his head around to give him a look only to meet his lover’s eyes, twinkling with humour.

He chuckled before reaching up to press his lips briefly against Daichi’s smiling ones. “Welcome home, love.”

❆

**December 14th**

It was a beautiful day, albeit very cold. The sun was out which was making the snow outside sparkle. Sugawara had taken advantage of the rarely clear sky to take a little stroll around earlier, before going home from work. Fading sunlight now made its way through the half open curtains. Soft jazz crooned quietly on the living room speaker as Suga sat on the wool carpet, wrestling with patterned wrapping paper, ribbons, and tape next to the decked out Christmas tree in the corner. 

He placed the finished parcel for Akaashi with the steadily growing pile of gifts beneath the tree and reached for the next one. His gift to Daichi. Well, the first part of it. The rest were still being mailed over. What he had now was a little thing, some new wireless earbuds for when his lover went to the gym. The small black box was compact and smooth in his hands, and Sugawara turned it over contemplating which wrapping paper he should use. 

He was about to reach for the more simple design (white dotted with little green pine trees) when he heard the familiar sounds of boots stomping off snow at the apartment door. He leapt up, heart pounding in his chest. Where could he hide this before Daichi unlocked the door and came in? He looked around wildly, before deciding on shoving the small thing into the depths of the thick foliage of the tree. He took a step back to make sure it wasn’t visible before rushing off to open the door.

Suga nearly slipped in his haste, his thick socks providing no grip on the smooth hardwood flooring in his mad dash. Thankfully he made it to the door without incident, just as he could hear the key scraping at the lock. Out of breath, heart thrumming in his throat, he flicked the lock and flung open the door to meet Daichi’s mildly startled gaze. 

“Hi!” Sugawara gasped. His lover still had his hand out, key between his gloved fingers and lips parted a little in surprise. Pink was still fading from his cheeks, ears, and nose.

“I was wondering what beast was making a ruckus around in there,” he stated. 

Suga exhaled a laugh, feeling flushed and frazzled from his frantic sprint. He could feel colour rising to his face. “I was coming to open the door for you but almost slipped,” he offered breathlessly. His layers of clothes were starting to make him uncomfortably warm. He tugged at the collar of his white turtleneck. His feet were getting sweaty. 

He could feel Daichi’s dark eyes looking him up and down, taking in his flustered appearance. He quirked an eyebrow. “What were you up to?”

Sugawara was beginning to regain his breath as his heartbeat slowed. “Just the presents,” he said simply, before reaching up to peck him on the cheek.

He moved back, letting his eyes trace the shape of his uniformed lover as he entered their apartment. Daichi stepped in, closing the door behind him. 

Suga gestured to the mess in the living room besides the entrance. “As you can see.”

Daichi laughed, taking in the scattered bits of wrapping paper and ribbon beside the tree. “Who’s going to be the one cleaning that up?”

Suga huffed in faux-annoyance, “Don’t worry, I’m not done with all the gifts yet. I’ll clean up afterwards,” he needed Daichi away from the tree anyway.

“Were you doing my present too?” Daichi asked nonchalantly as he dropped his bags to the floor and bent to undo his laces.

Sugawara was glad Daichi hadn’t been looking up at him because he probably would’ve seen right through his completely unprepared reaction. He caught himself right as a surprised and totally exposing noise rose in his throat. Suga swallowed it back and forced his face into cool indifference before snorting, “Who said I got you one this year?”

Daichi’s head of dark hair popped up at that. “What?” He stuck out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. “Why not, Kou?”

Suga repressed a smile at his playful reaction. “You were a bad boy this year.” he replied with mock sternness, faking a reprimanding glare. 

Daichi’s heated gaze found Sugawara’s and held their gaze for a good second before he shook his head and a smirk lifted his lips. “Well,” he drawled, “Since I was _really _looking forward to unwrapping some nice little thing from my favourite person, but I was too naughty to get a gift…” he sighed, beginning to straighten up. “I guess I’ll just have to be bad once more and make the most of my present right here―!”__

__Suga squeaked as he got scooped off his feet, his legs wrapping instinctively around Daichi’s waist as he got hauled up. He shrieked as his lover stumbled out of his shoes, the arms around his torso tightening as he nearly sent them toppling to the floor. He laughed as hot kisses were pressed above the high neckline of his shirt and as a hand swooped down to support his backside._ _

As he marched them deeper inside their apartment, Daichi’s voice rumbled in a woosh of heated air against his neck, sending shivers straight down Suga’s spine. 

“Get ready to be unwrapped!”

❆

**December 20th**

The hubbub of voices and music spilled out onto the sidewalk with Sugawara and Daichi as they exited the warmth of the restaurant. The sounds became muted not long after as the doors fell shut behind the couple. They stood together briefly in the golden pool of light offered by the glass restaurant doors, facing the busy road and sidewalk. Suga let the street noises and sharp cold envelop him, feeling quite full and satiated from all the food he had just eaten. 

He shivered before saying through clenched teeth, “That was a great dinner Daichi, very well chosen.” He watched his breath puff out in front of his face before disappearing upwards. 

“I’m glad you enjoyed this new spot,” his lover paused before adding with a chuckle, “Thanks for the meal.”

“Mm.” Sugawara only hummed in reply before turning to look at his lover. Daichi’s dark eyes glimmered with reflected lights as they met his and Suga tapped his cheek with an innocent smile.

He watched as a little smile flickered over Daichi’s lips before he leaned over to peck Suga’s waiting cheek once, then twice. His lips were warm and soft against his chilled face. The two fell into silence again briefly, Suga’s eyes back on the bustling road and walkway until he felt Daichi’s seeking hand brush against his. He slipped his hand into Daichi’s, wrapping his gloved fingers around the latter’s. He could feel the warmth of the other’s palm seep into his own.

They stepped out from the light of the restaurant together and headed down the sidewalk, joining the flow of pedestrians. Sugawara snuggled into his thick scarf, shoving his other hand into his jacket pocket as a cold breeze brushed over his exposed cheeks and hair.

Snow began to fall as they strolled down the path towards the central part of the area. Suga admired the decked out stores as they passed them, taking in the many strung up lights and flashy decorations on the street lamps and greenery as well. The street was flooded with the multitude of gold, silver, white, blue, green, and red decorations everywhere. 

The high spirits of the people around him were palpable, he could almost feel a kind of bright warmth to the air with all the excitement and anticipation emanating from the other city-goers. At least that’s what Suga would like to think. He could be imagining things under the influence of his own feelings about the holidays. 

Sugawara let the layers of voices wash over him as well as the little jangle of bells and things that were mostly hidden from his sight. His blood thrummed contentedly in his veins and he felt light with happiness. He really loved this time of year. Just everything about the atmosphere was so alive even during such a frigid season. It was a time of memories and positivity. Suga kept pace with Daichi, trying not to let his feet speed up in his joy as they continued past the festively bright stores in comfortable silence, drinking in everything around them.

They soon entered the plaza square. The bare trees that dotted the space were just as brilliantly strung up as the others on the streets, the stores lining the outskirts lit up, and there were the cute, little festive stands scattered around the paved area. But the real attention-grabber between it all, as expected each year, was the giant tree sitting regally in the centre of the square. It was here every winter but Sugawara never got tired of looking at it. It was dressed up beautifully, as always, this time with a motif of gold and red in its lights, ornaments, and ribbons. 

Suga also couldn’t help but notice the many kids accompanying their parents to visit this special tree and the pop-up stands for little goods. Some children were running around, much to their parents’ protests. They were giggling and yelling as best as happy children could. They reminded Sugawara suddenly of his students, and he couldn’t stop the fond smile from spreading across his lips as he watched the kids weave around people and stands, chasing each other joyfully through the snow.

He hadn’t noticed he had stopped walking until Daichi bumped his shoulder with his. He felt his lover squeeze his gloved hand, still within his.

“Miss your students yet?” He asked softly.

Suga chuckled, turning his focus away from the children and back onto the tree. He centred himself on the feeling of his breath hot inside his scarf, and his hand warm and secure in Daichi’s. “The break just started, it would be too soon to miss my rascals.”

It fell quiet again between them. It was cold, more so now that they had stopped moving. But Sugawara felt fuzzy and warm, not just because of his thick down coat but from everything. The two of them stood there for a few moments, simply admiring the plaza and drinking in its lively spirit. Suga’s heart was calm, he felt oddly still and at peace but full to the brim with some feelings he couldn’t name. The sounds gradually faded away, becoming a comforting lull in the background of his mind. Someone had started to play some buoyant holiday music that danced faintly through the plaza air.

The giant tree seemed almost to pulse with light at every beat of the song, beckoning to Sugawara. He moved suddenly, tugging Daichi along closer to the centrepiece. They passed by the stands and families, weaving through the crowd still hand in hand. Eventually Suga slowed back to a halt, Daichi stepping into a stop right beside him. They had reached a quieter area around the tree, further from the mini market on another side of the gigantic holiday piece. 

Suga craned his neck back to take it all in, up to the bright gold star at the very top and the snow still drifting downwards. Then he looked back down, turning his head slowly to take in the rest of the plaza from their new spot among it. The atmosphere and beauty of it all made his heart flutter, wings tickling the inside of his chest. Even with the cold snow biting at his mostly exposed face, he felt light and warm. Eventually his scan of the plaza brought his eyes to be filled with the sight of Daichi beside him.

His lover was already watching him with twinkling eyes. His short, dark hair was dusted with white and his cheeks, nose, and ears were red with the cold. As their eyes met, his lips turned up in a gentle, fond smile. Suga couldn’t help the matching one that spread across his face in response. 

Daichi’s hand tightened around Suga’s before he ducked down for a sweet kiss, first to the beauty mark by his eye, then to linger on his mouth. Suga felt his small smile against his lips. When they parted, the tree’s lights were reflected in Daichi’s eyes, making them sparkle like miniature stars. Suga squeezed his hand, still smiling at his lover, pleasant heat spreading through his veins. Daichi’s gaze lingered on his face when he gave Suga’s hand a reciprocating squeeze, before they set off again through the plaza.

❆

**December 9th**

Sugawara blinked his heavy eyelids as he was roused from sleep, stirring into half-awakeness. He heard the creak of the bed beneath new weight and felt the mattress dip behind him, a gust of cold air brushing his backside as the thick duvet cover lifted before being placed back down. He stiffened at the unwelcome cold but relaxed as a warm body started inching up closer to his back.

Suga hummed a quiet, nonsensical greeting as Daichi’s firm, warm body pressed up behind him. He felt his lover slip an arm over his waist beneath the covers, moving to twine their legs together too. Suga melted into the other's body before suddenly jolting away, a complaint trapped in his throat at the unwelcome iciness touching him. He squirmed uncomfortably as Daichi’s cold feet brushed against his as he shifted around trying to get comfortable.

“Sorry, sorry!” Daichi whispered in his ear, feet retreating swiftly. 

Sugawara grunted in response as he snuggled back into his arms. “What time is it?” he mumbled lowly, voice slow and heavy with drowsiness.

“Ten to six,” his lover murmured back. 

“Ah,” Suga fought the fog creeping into his head, scrabbling for words to reply. “How was your shift?” he managed, forcing his lips to move.

“Calm, good… and you?” 

Suga partially registered through his sleepy haze, the sound of a smile in Daichi’s voice. “Mm… Kids were good…” he felt so heavy and warm with the other’s body right there against his. He was sinking into the mattress and Daichi’s embrace. 

“I’m glad,” Suga distantly heard the sound of blankets rustling before he felt Daichi moving. He was fighting to open his eyes, which had closed without his knowing, when he sensed his lover’s body loom over his. There was a quick, soft kiss pressed half on his cheek, half by his eye before his lover gently lay back down. “Go back to sleep, Kou.”

“Mh.” Suga let the gentle pull of sleep wash over him, the rhythmic rise and fall of Daichi’s chest against his back lulling him. He fell asleep to the rhythm of his lover’s breaths puffing out against his nape and the comforting warmth of Daichi enveloping all his senses.

❆

**January 5th**

Sugawara lay lounged out beneath a thick cream knit blanket, sunken deep into the plush, dove-grey couch with a mug of tea steaming in his hands. The living room was partially lit, awash in the warm yellow ceiling lights. No other lights were on beyond this room’s and the entrance light. The TV was droning on and on in front of him, some random drama channel playing. Suga wasn’t really paying attention, not at all if he was being honest. His half-lidded gaze was fixed on the round clock hanging above the flatscreen. He watched drowsily as the long hand made its rounds across the white face, waiting every drawn out moment before the short hand moved as well. 

Sleep was beckoning to him, the warmth of his tea and the blanket not helping him stay awake. Sugawara felt as if he kept sinking deeper and deeper into the couch cushions and pillows at each passing minute. But he had to stay awake. It wasn’t even midnight yet, it shouldn’t be this difficult for him. He slowly raised his mug to his lips, letting the hot liquid slip down his throat.

Feeling loose, Suga nodded in and out of a light doze as he watched the clock tick closer and closer. His eyes got heavier and heavier, lulled by the rhythmic movements of the clock hands and the quiet buzz of the television. He slipped under briefly before forcing his eyes to flutter back open. His vision of the clock blurred, so he blinked slowly until it cleared. Oh. The short hand was at twelve. It was midnight. 

Sugawara stirred, half-sitting up to listen. Beyond the chatter of the drama, all was still and quiet. He sank back into the couch. Daichi wasn’t back yet. He sipped from his still-warm tea, keeping it at his mouth until his arms drooped back down to rest by his sides, hands clasped around the mug atop his stomach. 

His eyelids were drifting shut again when he heard distantly the rapid thudding of boots and the grating of a key in a lock. Suga’s eyes flew back open, shooting to the clock. It read five past. He heard the front door open as he tried to sit up, flailing a little within the tangle of blanket and struggling against the weight of sleep and warmth. He finally managed to sit up, hissing through his teeth as it nearly cost him the rest of his tea. He decided to put it down on the coffee table by his feet for now, just to be safe.

But there was Daichi. The tall, dark haired man was flushed with cold, and most likely from his rush up to their apartment. At least from what Sugawara could tell from the stomping he’d announced his arrival with. His lover was already hanging up his coat hastily, bags thrown on the floor near his feet. 

The broad man shoved the rest of his coat into the closet, not bothering to close it before striding over to where Suga watched him from the couch. The grey haired man extended his arms over the back of the seat with a smile, reaching for his approaching lover. Daichi stepped into his grasp and bent down to greet him, cold fingers going to cup his face.

“Welcome home, babe,” Suga whispered, their foreheads nearly touching. He stared into Daichi’s warm chocolate eyes. 

“Hi, love,” Daichi murmured back, before closing the gap between them and planting a soft kiss to his lips. 

He began to pull away when Suga tightened his grip around his waist and leaned up to chase his lips. Daichi didn’t resist when their lips met again. And again. Suga didn’t let up his hold, instead pulling him closer over the couch. Daichi chuckled into another kiss, bent over the back awkwardly to meet his demanding mouth and unyielding arms. 

“Happy Anniversary Daichi,” Suga purred between kisses. 

They parted, Daichi’s lips moving to say the words back but Sugawara fell back onto the cushions, tugging him down with him. Daichi let himself get half-dragged over the back of the couch, helping his lower half clumsily over the rest to be fully draped over Suga and landing with a muffled ‘oof’. Suga’s breath squeezed out of him in a wheeze at receiving the brunt of his lover’s firm weight against his chest. They laughed briefly, breathing each other in as Daichi propped himself up on his elbows. Then Daichi dipped back down, pressing his lips back against Suga’s. 

It was warm like this, the press of his body against Suga’s and the heat of their kissing. Then Daichi started trailing his lips over his cheeks, over his closed eyelids, and lingering on his beauty mark before returning back to his mouth. 

Sugawara huffed a laugh, which Daichi caught with another kiss. His lover’s body pressed into his subtly, pushing him ever so slightly into the couch cushions. Suga gasped suddenly at the cool brush of invasive fingers beneath his loose shirt, his eyes flying open. He swatted at them with a noise of amused protest. 

Daichi didn’t pull them away and instead kept them slipping slowly upwards. His dark eyes glimmered with a promise of mischief as they met Sugawara’s. He frowned up at his lover, who only smiled innocently back at him before kissing his pouted lips quickly. 

“Happy anniversary, Kou. I love you.”

❆

**January 30th**

Sugawara jerked into consciousness, eyes blinking open as distant knocking sounded again on the front door. He sat up slowly, body still lethargic and asleep and very much protesting the uncalled awakening. Struggling to clear his head, he rubbed at his eyes and glanced over his shoulder to see the clock sitting by Daichi’s side of the bed. The vivid orange numbers read 4:04. Drowsily, he slipped off the bed, stumbling as he put on his slippers and grabbed a throw blanket from its place strewn over the bedcovers. 

Suga moved out of the bedroom unsteadily, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. His skin still pebbled from the cold air of the apartment in the middle of the night. The knocking came again, this time a bit louder. Muddle-headed, Suga tried to recall if Daichi had forgotten his apartment keys when he had left yesterday morning. 

He managed to move through their place safely without lights on, passing through the hallway and living room before finally standing at the entrance. Suga flicked on the light above head, stifling a yawn. He flinched at the abrupt brightness overhead, eyes squinting against it as he undid the lock and opened the door. 

“Did you forget your keys?” He asked groggily, eyes barely open. There was no reply.

Suga paused for a moment before feeling, suddenly, very awake. He straightened, body jolting alive, blood churning through him making his pulse loud in his ears, and his heart rose up into his throat. He blinked hastily to clear the last of the sleep-fog from his eyes and to take in the figure in front of him. It was the same uniform, a broad tall-ish shape in front of him. Their face was downturned, rim of their cap casting a shadow over the face. There was still some snow dusting their shoulders, clumping on their boots. He made no move to shake off the snow.

Suga bones sang with the uncomfortable unfamiliarity of it all, the frame of the man and the hunch to his shoulders and hidden visage. Not stomping off the snow meant he didn’t mean to come inside. Then, everything came into focus. He went very, very still. Everything was white noise in his ears. His heart stopped. The air got violently sucked out of his lungs and he couldn’t breathe, not that he dared take a breath. Nothing moved. The world had come to a standstill. He barely registered his blanket slipping from a shoulder. He didn’t feel anything. He couldn’t feel anything but this slow, creeping, icy dread that rose up from his gut.

Sugawara opened his mouth and words didn’t come out at first. His throat was dry and constricting more and more with each passing second. Painfully, forcefully, sound came back to him and he croaked out, “... Daichi?”


	3. ❆❆❆

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Present.

**December 31st/January 1st**

Sugawara’s pants are cold and wet, sticking to his shins where he kneels in the snow. But he doesn’t mind it. He barely feels it, really. The snowfall has grown heavier now and he can feel it settle on his still, jacketed shoulders and bare head. He can almost feel the extra weight from the snow pressing him down. The world is quiet around him. The flakes dance silently in the air before falling to the ground. He is alone. 

The skeletal trees spread throughout the area are laden with sparkling white snow and gleaming ice, reflecting the meager light from the pathway lamps. The sky is dark, peppered with the drifting snowflakes. Suga is in a silent, frozen land. The smooth, unbroken layer of abundant snow covers the dirt and grass, only broken by frozen trees and the many stones jutting out solemnly. And Sugawara’s quiet form, there amongst them all. Just as still, just as somber. 

He has been kneeling for quite some time now. The echoes of fireworks had faded long ago. Suga is unmoving, his body is cold, wet, and stiff. He feels numb to it, as if he wasn’t fully in his body. His eyes are unfocused: hardly blinking, seeing but unseeing. He doesn’t know if his eyes are burning from the cold or tears, or both. Suga can’t say he’s felt tears if they’ve been running down his cheeks. His mind dances with the wind and snow.

The silence is heavy and muted from the snow. Mildly suffocating. Sugawara blinks away some clumpy snowflakes from his eyelashes. He doesn’t flinch as there’s a sudden crunch of boots through snow. He doesn’t move. He keeps facing forward, eyes not really taking in the trees or snow or stone in front of him. Suga is distantly aware that the someone who had stepped off the paved path onto the snow behind him is now approaching cautiously, slowly as if they were trying not to spook a small animal. The boots grow closer and closer, before stopping just a few feet away from his back. He does not turn. 

There is silence for a moment. Suga listens to the wind whispering through the trees, the soft, rhythmic breaths of the only other person here. 

“The fireworks are over. Let’s go back,” Kiyoko’s voice is soft. She pauses, the snow silence swelling again before she continues. “Asahi has already gone back. He’s preparing some hot chocolate and movies. He texted me that Akaashi had just stopped by with Bokuto to drop off some fresh cookies they made.”

Sugawara parts his lips on his next exhale, moving for the first time in a while to tilt his head back to watch his breath float up, up, and up before dissipating. He sits for another moment, face still looking upwards, just watching the sky and snow with his lips still parted.

Then he reorients himself, rising onto his knees to step onto his feet. The snow crunches beneath his shifting weight and boots. His body is wooden and rigid, as if he were a tree that had come to life and who’s joints had never known the fluidity of movement. It hurts a little, sending a distant spark of pain to the back of his mind. It shocks Suga back into himself. 

He stands, swaying as the blood rushes down to his frozen legs. They tingle sharply, reprimanding him. He sinks back into himself even more from the discomfort. Once his body quieted its protests, Sugawara reached inside a pocket with a gloved hand. He pulls out a white envelope. It’s a little bent from how he had been kneeling. He smooths it out absent-mindedly. The colour of it blends with the snow below it. 

Suga takes a creaking step forward, bending down slowly to place the card against the foot of the dark stone at which he’d been kneeling. Snow is already seeping into the bottom of the envelope. He pushes it slightly into the little snowbank, to prevent it from possibly being blown away. 

He takes a step back, then another, before pausing for a moment to take it all in. The letter is hardly dissociable from the snow. The damp stone is stark against it’s white surroundings, snow once again building atop.

Kiyoko is quiet, not rushing him. Sugawara can feel that she has turned her face away, the weight of her eyes elsewhere. The inside of his nose and throat burn as he inhales deeply, taking a strong swig of frigid air and wind before he exhales quietly in a whisper, “Happy New Year, Daichi. I love you.”

Some part of Suga wishes that the world froze in that second, just to let him know that his words had been heard. Or even if it simply gave him more time to linger here. But nothing. The snow keeps falling without pause, the wind sighs softly through the drooping branches as if to echo his own disappointment. The stone is silent.

Sugawara wrenches himself away abruptly. His eyes are stinging again. He turns and steps toward his dark-haired friend, reaching for her hand before he could stop himself. He let her grab his gloved hand in hers, her breath puffs in front of her, hovering above her thick scarf and partially clouding her glasses. Her eyes find his for a second through the fog on her lenses, understanding and mirroring hurt flickering in their dark depths before she turns and treks back through her precious boot tracks. 

Her iron grip is just what he had silently asked of her, and all Suga can do is resist the urge to look back as she half tugs him away from Daichi’s grave.

**Author's Note:**

> ty for making it to the end! tbh i wasn't rly satisfied w how this turned out but i hope it was worth the read for u. ill be back soon w (hopefully) better work!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lovele_ah) // [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/leahahaha)


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